Time Is On My Side...

The block party is coming to an end. I have taken this Blog as far as it can go and it's time to pull the plug. And it's fitting that one of the last entries was about my beloved friend, Katy. Because not a day goes by that I don't think about her.

But when I started this Blog almost a year ago, I wrote it to document my own healing process. I knew that I needed to work through some of the stuff that had been keeping me down, and I wanted to finally push through some of the pain that I kept hidden away. And even though I am not 100%, let's just say I am ready to move on.

This year has been a wild ride. So many things have changed. So many things have stayed the same. But it has never been dull. Natalie got accepted to both the gifted middle school and the International Baccalaureate Middle School. When I read the acceptance letters, I thought my heart would explode with pride and love. She chose the IB school and is extremely happy with her decision. Charlotte turned 7 in March and has matured into this amazing creature. Every day she reminds me of my own potential and how life is mine for the taking. She has grown in ways I never imagined this year and I see no end to her curiosity and brilliance.

Ah, this year. I made decisions this year that have surprised me. I ended relationships that were one-sided, with people who didn't deserve what I have to offer. I blended passion and knowledge by working at both the Delightful Dish AND as an Image Consultant (see, it's the food and the chopping that I love, it's the fashion sense that I know...). I wrote and wrote and wrote and had some great stuff published. I came to my senses and stopped making trips to Elizabeth City. I lost my best friend to cancer. I watched Ilene's marriage come to an official end. I deleted over 1000 emails from my inbox. I saw my parents get older. I quit the "only bad thing I do". I helped a friend and a sister get some cool jeans that show off a little ass. I drank too much wine. I trusted a friend and got hurt. I gained 15 lbs. I made so many cupcakes that I can do it in my sleep. I stopped looking for the white car in the driveway. I hid behind motherhood. I went out on a few dates. I started looking for the white car in the driveway. I took a risk and answered a 2 year old email. I had lunch with someone I knew 28 years ago...when I was only 16 years old. I read books, checked homework, made dinner (breakfast and lunch), hot glued projects, sang Karen Carpenter songs, played games, drove endless times to the soccer field, wiped tears away, laughed until my stomach hurt and listened to "High School Musical" so many times, I know the entire CD by heart ("get your, get your, get your head in the game..."). I stayed up nights wondering. I stood on the soccer field and watched Natalie grow up right before my very eyes. I stopped looking for the white car in the driveway. I made sesame noodles and blue cheese/bacon dip for my friends. I thought about golf. I listened to Charlotte at a Mother's Day Program talk about what a good mother I am and why she likes it when I wear dresses to work. I realized that I deserve more. I found out that it's all about a cycle and how was I going to end the cycle? I thought and thought and thought. And I sat at this computer and wrote about my life.

Thank you for reading my Blog. Thank you for allowing me to go on and on about life, love and the pursuit of single motherhood. And thank you to those THREE people (and you know who you are...L, C, and R.) who have checked my Blog every single day looking for the new words according to Rose. That meant more to me that you will ever know.

So now it's time to live my life. And this is the end of my writer's block party.

But don't worry, time is on my side.

Yes it is.